Get A New Hobby You Bastard
by narutobleachfan101
Summary: A "Obsessions Aren't Healty for A Terrorist" rewrite. Gin-san wonders if the world hates him. Edo's most dangerous criminal is after…Wait, what? Gin-san is confused as much as you readers. Warnings: Shounen ai, breaking the fourth wall, etc.


**Saya**: Okay, I'm going to get this out of the way. I'm basically doing a rewrite of **Obsessions Aren't Healthy For a Terrorist**. I'm doing this for one reason. Okay, multiple reasons. The prominent one…my old story is a bit stale compared to now. I feel dirty rereading it because it's…well, bad grammer.

Anyway, I'm a bit sadistic, not giving you guys the ending right now. However, I give you this promise: you'll see two endings by the end of this story. Here's another promise: these endings are going to be totally different. In fact, this whole story line is going to be different. Again, rereading **Obsessions Aren't Healty for A Terrorist** made me uncomfortable. So, the rewrite begins!

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Gintama. Nor its epic movie coming this summer. Which, by the way, I wish I was in Japan and go see it. What can you do…

* * *

_**It's not polite to keep popping in one's presence like a ninja! You're not one in this series! Do that in Naruto you bastard!**_

"Let's see…I fixed the old lady's roof."

The wavy-haired samurai walked down the streets of Edo.

"Encountered wild tax robbers."

He walked through a convenience store's sliding doors.

"And finally, saved the world when I really wanted to fix my damn fan." Scratching his head, the man finally arrived at the aisle. A big grin formed on his face. Inside that cooling machine was the greatest thing mankind had ever invented.

"All right!" Smiling, Gin grabbed one carton after another and threw it into his basket. Thanks to his previous job, he had quite a sum of money. Enough for the kids and that giant beast of a dog not to complain about food. Once he paid of all of it, he left the store. It was dark outside. Maybe the teens and Sadaharu might spring for a yakiniku restaurant.

"So much strawberry milk…your blood pressure is going to spike up." Gin froze in place. He recognized that voice, but didn't turn around. A scowl formed on his lips.

"What are you doing here–" Gin looked up and saw the man's reflection. "Takasugi?" Dealing with this bastard was a real hazard to his health. The reflection smiled, sending him bad vibes. The silver samurai wondered why no one noticed a well-known terrorist in this convenience store.

"How cruel," the one-eyed man whispered. "Is that any way to greet an old friend of yours?" Gin frowned. The leader of Kiheitai had the…the nerve of calling themselves old friends? It was laughable!

"I know that you don't see me, Zura, and Tatsuma as your 'old friends.' Just spare me the pretty words."

"So blunt with your words, Gintoki." The way Takasugi said his name…

It was unsettling.

"But I guess you don't know anything about me anymore, so I'll give you a reminder: I like festivals." The white-haired man widened his eyes and turned around.

"You're not planning to–" A deep chuckle emitted in the air. "You are, bastard…" Despite this shock, he was glad Takasugi walked away from him.

"I'd like to see you stop me."

* * *

"Why are we having a private meeting, Hijikata? Shouldn't everyone know about this as well?" Okita asked, looking at his superior officer. Well, not actually looking. Just imagining different ways to kill the black-haired bastard.

"Nah, they're just going to ignore us." Said bastard took an inhale of the cigarette. Releasing the smoke, he continued speaking. "Besides, they'd probably piss themselves hearing about Takasugi Shinsuke's return to Edo."

Sougo took a good, long look before saying, "So?"

"'So' my ass!" Toushiro pulled out his katana, ready to slice the little sadist in half. Unfortunately for him, he was held back by Kondo.

"Toushi! We don't need any more violence today! You already threatened ten of our men to commit seppuku!" Kondo cried while hugging one of his vice commander's legs.

"Kondo-san! It was their fault for breaking the rules! They should die an honorable death for reading Jump!" Meanwhile, Sougo laid on his side, smirking to no end. Hijikata saw this, and his frown deepened further. "I'll wipe that smirk off your face!"

* * *

"Shinsuke-sama, are you sure about this?" Bansai plucked another string of his shamisen. Away from their other comrades, the two of them were inside a small boat, floating down a canal of Edo. It was a full moon out. The light glowed on Takasugi's skin. The man, not looking at the musician, held a tiny cup and mindlessly swirled the sake inside it.

"Don't know," he stated. The color, or rather, nonexistence of a color on the moon made him smirk. He looked at Bansai. "But would be the fun of it if the plan didn't have any bumps in the way?"

* * *

"Gin-san, did you really get hired?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes." Gin's right eyebrow started to twitch.

"Really?"

"Yes, now stop yammering about it! It's annoying!" Suddenly, Shinpachi threw his hands down on the table, nearly knocking his cup of tea down.

"There's no way I'm going to stop 'yammering about it!' Gin-san! Aren't you at least suspicious why the shogun would hire you as his bodyguard!? And isn't that the Shinsengumi's job in the first place?!" As Shinpachi began to ramble about if it was the Mimawarigumi's job instead, Gin sighed. Yeah, it was shock. Then again, there was that whole Ikkoku Keisei arc.

The shogun (or by his other nickname, Sho-chan) was really amazed by the man's strength and devotion to a single promise during that arc. Naturally, he felt that the silver samurai would be the perfect bodyguard.

Problem was…every time Yorozuya appeared onscreen with the shogun, something bad was bound to happen to the latter. Gin was about to refuse until––

_"Then I'll pay tenfold. Is it enough?"_

When people are poor as dirt, seeing the shogun pay you tons of money is heaven. Naturally, Gin accepted the offer afterwards. Now the consequences were kicking in. Which is why…

"Ah! Here it is!" Gin threw something at Shinichi–

"It's Shinpachi."

Whatever. The glasses wearing man––

"The author is breaking the fourth wall!"

He caught the object as the author continued writing this story. When he saw what it was, the glasses wearing man didn't complain anymore. He hugged the latest Otsuu CD Single and rolled on the floor. Kagura stared at him with distain.

"Geh. Crazy otaku-aru." Picking her nose, she turned her head to Gin. "Gin-chan, do you think we might get those privileges the corrupted cops usually get at the festival?"

"Maybe," Gin said, moving away from the couch and sitting behind the desk. He opened the latest Jump magazine. "Depends how much effort we put into this." Kagura hopped off the couch and headed towards the door, followed by Sadaharu.

"I'm going to get more sukonbu!"

"Ah, that's right." Shinpachi stood up and walked towards the door. "I need to help aneue today. Ja!" When the door closed, Gin waited until the footsteps completely disappeared from his ears. When they did, a big smile formed on his face.

"Finally!" Laying back at full force, he said, "I thought they would never leave." Putting his precious bible down, the Yorozuya leader jumped from his seat and headed towards his secret stash of parfait. Taking one out, he was about to dig in–

"I can't believe you let your guard down so much." That joy disappeared in an instant. Not even the sweetness of parfaits would help Gin wipe away the bitterness of Takasugi's presence.

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**Saya**: …Review? That would be nice. Thank you!


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